Learning How to Dislike Music Like An Adult

Plus: Beastie Boys, Fleetwood Mac, Arctic Monkeys, Tom Petty, and Pavement

Lately, I’ve listened to several albums I completely dislike.

What’s worse, I know for a fact that a lot of other people love them - I am, after all, listening to the so-called 500 greatest albums of all time right now. But I’m coming across more and more situations where an album that is loved by many people just sounds…. unenjoyable to me.

I’ve been wrestling with how to handle that situation. Clearly, I’m not going to convince the entire world of my rightness, that this album’s place in the all-time ranks is just a grand mistake and that it’s not worth our collective time anymore. My opinion isn’t going to topple years or decades of popular consensus, forcing everybody to finally see the light and stop buying into the narrative that this album is worth our collective time and money. My opinion is the most important opinion to me, so therefore it must be the most important in the world.

But here’s the thing: even if I had the power to convince people that music they love is actually awful, it would be a pretty evil and joy-stealing thing to do.

Let’s say I was blessed with perfect taste in music, and the entire world followed my every like or dislike, ignoring their own opinions in favor of mine. One day, an album comes across my divine desk (yes, I have a desk, it’s made of clouds and guitar chords). I dislike this album. Using my almighty taste-defining powers, I smite the album into oblivion, and nobody ever hears it again. I know thousands of people would have enjoyed it, - boogied down to it, perhaps - but that doesn’t matter. My taste shall be honored, my will be done, for I am the almighty Dave, the algorithm to end all algorithms, the alpha and the jamega, and your sadness at missing out on music you’d love is nothing compared to my need to be right.

This is the kind of attitude I see from some so-called “taste makers.” They try to set themselves apart from the herd by staking pseudo-original positions, as if trying to reserve the right to judge music for themselves and a few fellow elites who just happen to have the exact same tastes. These positions are often negative ones, to boot. They dump on what others like, leaving the Top 40 stations looking like my dad’s old white Buick after the birds got into the blueberry patch and then hung out for a while in the tree above the driveway. These taste-wizards would glory in the power to define music taste for everyone - and then, once everyone started listening to their chosen songs, the tastemakers would decide that stuff is “too mainstream” and take the joy right back again.

OK, that was a little bit of a tangent, but you see my point. If the goal of music curation is to share the joy of music, then shitting on music we dislike - in a way that makes others feel like their tastes are invalid - is counterproductive to that goal. The only goal that kind of wanton negativity supports is self-glorification.

But, all that being said, it’s not possible or healthy or wise to like everything. I’m trying to create a roadmap for understanding my musical likes and dislikes. That means finding dislikes at some point.

So I need to be able to handle things I don’t like, without yucking someone else’s yum.

But how do we find that balance between honoring our own dislikes without taking away someone else’s right to disagree?

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Our personal backgrounds flavors our perception towards everything, including music. That’s life. Understanding that fact, however, is sometimes hard - we’re kind of programmed to see ourselves as the center of the world. It’s like a kid who only knows their parents - they might be the only people on the planet for all the kid knows. My lived experience is the only way I have to make sense of the world. So is yours, to you. I think that’s especially true with emotional experiences like art and music. So how, then, could we expect everyone to react the same to a piece of music? That would be as childish as believing my dad is the tallest person in the whole wide world just because I’m 1.5 feet tall.

Here’s a little background on my own musical context: I grew up in a small town in a poor southern US state. I didn’t have internet until I was 18 - not because it didn’t exist, but because my parents didn’t think it was useful. I grew up with lots of books and a small allowance I spent on CD’s and iTunes tracks (which took 10 minutes apiece to download on dial-up). My dad had a strong dislike for anything popular or trendy - when the iPod was taking off I got a “Creative Vision M” mp3 player, which was a knockoff of a Zune which was a knockoff of an iPod. He would laugh at the idea of listening to modern popular music, so I only bought classic rock CD’s (which were acceptable listening) and there was never a Top 40 radio station in the family car presets. I was insulated from the music world but very happy - and very lucky. 

That background seems to steer a lot of my musical opinions. I still sometimes find myself disdaining pop music simply because it’s popular. I don’t want to dismiss things I might like, but it’s just programmed into me to react that way. I’ve been better about overriding that instinct lately but there’s always a gut reaction that just screams “don’t listen to that, it’s too popular, it can’t actually be good.” Logically that makes no sense, but it’s something I have to be on guard for when reacting to music. No sense denying it - better to just accept that trait and remember to counteract it. 

In that spirit, I’ve tried to be more introspective about why I like or dislike something. If the reason I dislike it is just me echoing my dad’s “too cool for the popular stuff” attitude, I normally dismiss that. That’s not a good way to judge music. But that’s an easy adjustment. Same goes for the times when I unwittingly channel the “evil taste-wizard” and turn my nose up at something because I thought of a really funny way to insult it and I want to write it in an article that’ll get me a million views. I dismiss those urges when I notice them, and I think that’s the right thing to do.

What’s proven harder is music that either doesn’t evoke any emotion in me because I don’t relate to it, or evokes emotions that make me cringe or feel bad for reasons potentially unrelated to the music itself - how can I identify the reason for those feelings and dismiss them? And should I even try?

Here’s an example: in middle school and high school, I bought several Radiohead CD’s because everyone else liked it. Where I grew up, for whatever reason, Radiohead was the darling of the preppy kids, their version of edgy “I love it because my parents hate it” alt rock. For that reason, I guess, Radiohead gave me the same cringey feelings as the show The OC, which was basically about how the puberty-induced problems of wealthy teenagers are the most important thing in the world. Radiohead did nothing to earn this reputation in my head besides being loved by the same richer-than-me kids at my school who talked endlessly about The OC. But now, when I hear Radiohead’s angsty lyrics and self-pitying (to my ears) music, I hear those same kids in their brand-new Land Rovers complaining about problems that aren’t really problems. I’ve never been able to wash that stain away from the music.

So maybe that’s why Radiohead music sounds the way it does to me. People who love Radiohead almost certainly relate very differently to the music, or to the feelings they had when they first heard it. In my own experience, when that kind of positive association happens with music I love, it doesn’t only make me feel whatever emotion the song is expressing, it also gives me joy. So I can listen to Rage Against the Machine without feeling pure rage - it’s more of a joyful resonance with the band’s rage, because the music resonated with me at some point for whatever reason and that gives me joy even when I’m not angry. I imagine people who love Radiohead feel a joyful melancholy or something similar, which is the result of their own resonance with the music and its place in their own lives. 

That’s a pretty cool thing about music. Everybody hears the same thing different ways. It’s totally valid to say I dislike something while understanding that others love it - we all have different reasons for those opinions. And it makes it super hard to predict what you’re going to like, or why you feel that way, when I don’t know what might flavor your reaction to the music. So when I say negative things about something others relate to differently, I have to find a way to avoid being a total poo-poo head while also respecting my own dislike for the music. It’s a brain twister, man. 

The hard part is finding a way to express these different opinions in a civil and respectful way. My reactive side wants to make fun of Radiohead because it sounds a certain way to me - and maybe I’ll still do that, but I have to make sure it’s in a way that doesn’t dump on everyone who loves the band or doesn’t share my particular set of background feelings. 

It makes me think about why I would write negative things about music. What are the possible outcomes of that? Is it my mission to make sure nobody listens to Radiohead ever again? Absolutely not. My mission is to share my quest to understand what I, Dave, like, in order to inspire other quests to understand your own musical taste. In that context, does it make sense to ever share a negative opinion? I get afraid of being too negative, the way some people use negativity or rage-baiting to get attention and enhance their own image. It’s cooler to say you hate something, and easier to write passionately about. But that’s not my mission.

I don’t really know the answers, but I have guesses. In the end, I’m trying to find a system for identifying my favorite music, without algorithms. And clearly, in order to have favorites, I must have least favorites. That means I have to dislike something, relatively speaking. I don’t want to have some utopian “everything is awesome” attitude where I don’t leave any room for critical discussion or disagreement. OK, that actually sounds kind of fun - how fricking great would it be to just love every song you hear? - but it’s not a realistic way to live. 

So going forward, I will work on being more graceful about things I dislike. It’s going to be a journey, but it’s something I’ll be conscious of, which is the only way I know how to start. I don’t want to stop someone from listening to anything in case they like the music and it brings them joy. Trying to prevent potential joy like that is a pretty sociopathic way to live. True, you could make the case that preventing someone from listening to bad music is a worthy goal, but to me the risk of missing out on something that brings joy is worth the risk of listening to a few minutes of unpleasant music. You’re not much worse off after listening to something you dislike, but you could be way better off if you find some new jams.

Project BAE - Best Albums Ever - Episode 10

We’ve reached 50 albums reviewed as part of this project! Woohoo! 

Check Your Head - Beastie Boys

I love a band that doesn’t sound like they take themselves too seriously, even if they do. This is forever party music to me, for better or for worse, but it’s hard not to love the completely irreverent sound of the Beastie Boys. It won’t be everyone’s cup of tea, but it puts me in a good mood every time I hear it.

Brain Rating: 7

Taste Rating: 7

Jams:

• “So What’Cha Want”

• “Stand Together”

Rumours - Fleetwood Mac

This album reminds me of nothing so much as long roadtrips in my childhood, riding in my parents car as we made the 3 hour trip to my grandparents’ house in 4.5 hours (my dad was a… shall we say… cautious driver). It was always Fleetwood Mac, Jackson Browne, and Meat Loaf. (Does Meat Loaf show up on this list? I don’t know how I’d handle that to he honest.)

Luckily, this is one case where I have shaken of my old notions and learned to see the beauty in the songs. Because how could you not? The breadth of songwriting and talent in this band was amazing, and this album is a masterpiece.

Brain Rating: 9

Taste Rating: 8

Jams:

• “Second Hand News”

• “Dreams”

• “Don’t Stop”

• “The Chain”

• “You Make Loving Fun”

Wowee Zowee - Pavement

So this is shoegaze music? I didn’t even know that word until recently, but it appears that I… really enjoy shoegaze. It’s kind of indie grunge alt rock, with some funky instrument tones and sound explorations thrown in that I suppose makes this shoegaze based on the definition I Googled. It wasn’t 100% for me, but overall a good experience. The slow tracks were a little too Radiohead for my taste, but the more upbeat ones were definitely my jam.

Brain Rating: 7

Taste Rating: 7.8

Jams:

• “Rattled By The Rush”

• “Best Friends Arm”

• “Grave Architecture”

Full Moon Fever - Tom Petty

This album is musical onomatopoeia - every song sounds exactly like the title, in the most perfect way. It’s simple and straightforward rock songwriting perfection. I’m a massive Tom Petty fan, and this album is a huge reason for that. There are so many intangibles that make these simple-sounding songs so much greater than the sum of their parts. If I knew the technical explanation for that I’d be a very rich person. Much easier to just call it magic and move on. Or maybe listen to it a few more times first.

Brain Rating: 9

Taste Rating: 8.6

Jams:

• “Zombie Zoo”

• “Free Fallin”

• “I Won’t Back Down”

• “Feel A Whole Lot Better”

Am - Arctic Monkeys

Another album from my formative years that I didn’t realize was so well regarded. I’ve liked a few tracks from this album for years but never dived too deeply. Listening anew, this album is full of super cool, dark and brooding vibes, and sexy grooves. I was all in - it felt cohesive and varied at the same time.

Brain Rating: 9

Taste Rating: 8.5

Jams:

• “Do I Wanna Know?”

• “One For The Road”

• “Fireside”